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  • potty training

    My daughter is going to be 4 years old in a couple of weeks. She refuses to "poopy on the potty." She has no trouble with urination, but says that having a bowel movement on the potty hurts. She has a choice of a baby potty and a potty seat on the big toilet with a stool to rest her feet on. Nothing appeals to her. My main concern for her is that she is now requesting to do things that require complete potty training. For example, she wants to take a swim class...things like that. I'm a stay-at-home mom, so her being trained for school is not an issue yet. She is, however, such a ritualistic child, that I fear she will still be choosing not to use the potty for bowel movements when school does become an issue. Any suggestions? How can I take the fear out of this issue for her? She's not constipated very often. But she says that using the potty for bowel movements is painful. I'm losing my ability to not "sweat it." Help! Thanks in advance.

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    Courtney O. Cox
    Courtney O. Cox

  • #2
    At that age I am a great believer in bribes in the form of non teeth damaging food treats such as crisps and special fruit. If these are normal fare for her you will have to resort to a favorite sweet. It won't be for long. Maybe the potty or seat feels too cold. Get a horrid fluffy cover!!
    Regards, Rochelle
    www.southporthomeopathy.co.uk

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    • #3
      Try calcium carb x200 one dose.

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      Homeopat MNNH Geir E.T. Marcussen
      email: getm@eunet.no

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      • #4
        If she's old enough to request a diaper for bowel movements, she's old enough to take care of what's in them. I'd explain that swim lessons require her to be fully potty trained, as I'm sure they do. Tell her that she can't go unless she follows the rules. That's the way lots of things are, even for adults."read" the rules with her, if she's into reading. Kids think written words are magic.

        Try to re-teach her how to use the potty, read books with her, etc. Then if she continues to refuse, teach her how to clean her diaper. The simple act of having to help you may go a long way to helping her see that the potty makes more sense. If she still has trouble, I'd make it a real training session, along with a schedule (even just for sitting on it), and rewards for all her efforts. Patience to you! -K

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        • #5
          I am a preschool teacher and found that (like K. suggested) that having them clean up their own mess works wonders. I never get mad, but just matter of factly tell them that everyone has to clean up their own messes. I just walk away if they throw a fit and tell them they can join us again when the mess is clean or I ask if they would like a little help after they have done their best.

          I assume you have assured her that even though it hurt that one time she went in the potty, that it shouldn't hurt now. Maybe she was constipated that time. I would give her empathy. "Yes, one time it hurt me too, but it never does now." Or words to that effect.

          Hope you let us know how it goes. Brenda
          KsBren<p>

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          • #6
            I'm going through this with my son, who will
            hold his poop until naptime or night time when we allow him a diaper.
            He will hold it indefinately and has made himself very constipated. this worsened when we tried the "commando training" method , placing alot of emphasis on his sitting on the big potty at regular times , not putting diapers on him and telling him that if he made a mess, i would show him how to clean it up. He simply stopped going, and ended up very constipated.
            I decided that it wasn't worth his digestive health to power struggle anymore.
            I'm still frustrated , he isn't held back from doing anything because he can just hold it in.
            arsenicum album helped with his fear of "potty monsters"(he was afraid of the potty for a long time) this was recommended by our doctor.
            Perhaps I as the mother am the one who needs a remedy, and if I make this a non issue, then he soon will grow out of it.

            Any suggestions?
            stClaire

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            • #7
              If your child has needed arsenicum it is possible that he does not like the idea of a mess (they hate getting their hands dirty) so it may be helpful not to dwell on this aspect. Try to emphasise how proud you will be if he poops in the potty and that you understand that it is scary to start with. Perhaps you can say that it will be much easier to clean him up after using the potty than in a nappy. Keep using positive statements reinforcing the idea that he will be able to do it one day and you will be really pleased at how grown up he is. Reward every effort no matter how brief. You may need to tackle any constipation first though. My son had similar fears and reluctance to start with.

              Best of luck

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              • #8
                Thanks for all of your replies. I really appreciate it. I have made an appointment for my daughter with a doctor who practices anthroposophical medicine. He has discussed this a bit with me over the phone, as I wait for the April 13th appointment. He sounds wonderful. And he has already suggested, as St. Claire did, that it is perhaps I that need the remedy. He said this in a most kind way. He pointed out that children this age don't have a real clue as to what they are "missing out there," with regards to swim lessons, etc. He made me remember that my daughter wants support, order and calm in her life. To pressure her over her fears "for her own good" is just illogical. I already feel better and she hasn't even been to see him yet! He did say, however, that there is a chance that a remedy would do some good. We shall see, and I will keep you all posted. Thanks again.
                Courtney O. Cox

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                • #9
                  I wanted to say that we have been seeing an anthroposophical physician since my son was first born . we are so pleased with the care we receive because he puts emphasis on education rather than just treating us , fostering a dependance.
                  His goal is to empower me to feel confident in treating my son at home, and he's always available by phone for guidance.
                  wait a go momof2, you couldn't ask for better support,
                  stClaire

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                  • #10
                    I just wanted to update all of you on my daughter's progress. A week ago, we finally had our appointment with the anthroposophical doctor. He played with her for over an hour, talked with me privately and had lots to say about her tension level. She is physically tense, even when she is gleeful. He prescribed a constitutional remedy in liquid drop form and a abdominal rub. He also talked about my approach with her. He suggested that I was so afraid of harming her in some way, that I seemed paralyzed at this point. He told me to let her know in a kind way that this was expected of her, to not lose my cool, but to not give her a diaper during the day, after a few days of administering the remedies. I did just that and today, for the first time in a year, she pooped on the potty! She asked me lots of questions over the last week, and begged for a diaper (which she would eventually get at bed time and wake up with a poopy, etc.) But today, she decided that she didn't want to wait all day. Mid-morning she asked for a diaper and I calmly but firmly said, "This is your problem to solve, sweetie. I am not going to be part of the problem anymore. I know you can fix it. I'm not going to hassle you anymore. But I'm not giving you a diaper until bed time." She said, "Oh, okay." and went and pooped! I hope she keeps it up, but at least now she knows she can do it. Once having done it, she was very overwhelmed and cried and let her body relax as she hugged me and kept saying, "I did it. I did it." I could feel the tension leaving her body. What a child! She tries so hard. Thanks for all your support.
                    Courtney O. Cox

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                    • #11
                      Congratulations to you both !

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                      • #12
                        Brilliant! Do you know what remedy was given and were you given one as well?
                        www.southporthomeopathy.co.uk

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                        • #13
                          The remedy is Bryophyllum Argento Cult 2X - seven drops mixed with water in the morning and at bedtime. And a oxalis cream to rub on the abdomen at the same times of day. More success today, as she just went to the potty for her bowel movement again, but this time with no discussion, no announcement, nothing. I wouldn't even have known about it if I hadn't entered the bathroom not knowing she was there. It has become a non-issue in a mere 8 days! (I know, I know. It could "re-ignite" but we're thrilled!
                          Courtney O. Cox

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                          • #14
                            What an insightful practicioner. Glad to hear you are teaching her to take care of herself! -K

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                            • #15
                              Yes, we are thrilled with the attention and the results we have gotten with this doctor. I'm also glad that we figured out, as a family, how to help Annie take care of herself in this area, without being punitive. She is such a sensitive child. The doctor said that it is her "nobility of the soul," her concern for others and for fairness, etc. that keep her "on her toes," unable to "lighten up." He really made me feel good about honoring her character and not tramatizing her by punishing reactions, or making her feel that she was inconveniencing everyone. That most certainly was not the issue. She was afraid. We are happy and proud to have moved through the experience without doing lasting harm.
                              Courtney O. Cox

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